Getting ready for the first semester of college is an exciting as well as stressful time for students. They could be leaving their hometown, their home state, or even the country to attend their dream college. They’re leaving the K-12 system, their friends, and, of course, their parents. For parents getting ready to send their kids to college, it can be an emotional time – for everyone. Parents can feel a wide range of emotions from pride to fear and anxiety to happiness.
Flickr user Penn State
Just like students have been preparing for this moment, parents need to, too. We provide four ways that parents can emotionally prepare to send their kids to college.
1. Embrace Your New Role
One of the biggest changes that parents notice right away is the change in their role in their child’s life. For all of the kid’s life, the parent has been the caretaker. And while the parent can definitely continue to be a caretaker going forward, it’s in a more limited capacity. But that doesn’t mean you’re out of the picture in your child’s life.
Instead, parents can embrace the role of a sounding board and a coach. This is a time when students are exploring themselves and their surroundings, being thrown into new situations and new experiences, and taking the next step in their lives. Parents can be amazing coaches to have in their corner. Listening and mentoring is a great way to continue to guide your kids from afar.
2. Discuss the Plan for Keeping In Touch
Talking to your child about keeping in touch during college should happen before the move. This will help set expectations for everyone and lead to fewer hurt feelings.
Every student is different. Some kids may want to call every night, especially for the first few weeks, while others may want to keep it to once a week. Others may prefer to text often, but only call once every week or every other week. And some kids may want to do video calls with their family. Also discuss how often they’d like to come home for a visit, how often they’d like you to visit them, and any other communication details.
It’s important to understand your child’s wants and needs for communication. If your child doesn’t want to talk every single night, try to respect that. And their wants and needs can change – they may want to call more often during a stressful week, for instance. Or they could feel that although they needed nightly calls at first, they want to talk over the phone less frequently.
This is especially true if the child is busy – and college is busy. Between friends, campus life, classes, and studying, they may very well be overwhelmed. If they don’t have time to chat, try to be understanding.
There are other ways, too, to show your child you care about them, their well-being, and their happiness aside from calling every night! You could:
- Send regular care packages.
- Set up a code word for texts that simply lets you know that they are okay when you check-in.
- Utilize family group chats.
- Send encouraging or loving text messages on occasion.
3. Support your Student
This is also the time to show support to your new college student. As explained above, your role is simply shifting from a caretaker role to a coaching or mentoring role. And there are plenty of ways you can encourage and support your child during this time. Here are some ideas:
- Share in their successes and their failures when they tell you about them. Congratulate them and provide words of encouragement even when things go wrong.
- Help them with the changes. You could assist with selecting a college dorm room, the college tuition paperwork, and uncovering college resources that could help them during the next four years. You might want to also help them move into their dorm room and decorate it. There will be countless opportunities to help over the next 4 years, too.
- Have honest conversations. This should be about the temptations and challenges they may face in college. Let them know your expectations AND that they can come to and talk to you about things.
- Give them resources, such as advice books, that will set them up for success
- Involve them more in day-to-day tasks. This could be making doctor appointments, picking up prescriptions, cleaning, laundry, navigating health insurance, and others to help ensure they’re prepared to handle these jobs themselves.
- Write a note. This is especially helpful if you have trouble putting things into words out loud. Consider writing your child a letter or a note that they can find later in their dorm room. You can tell them about how proud you are of them, how much you love them, and more.
4. Support Yourself
Of course, being emotionally prepared to send your child to college isn’t all about supporting them – you need to find support for yourself, too.
An “empty nest” can be upsetting, and it’s important that parents take steps to focus on themselves during this time. This could mean embracing a new hobby, joining local or online support groups, or meeting and spending time with other parents who have sent their children to college, too. If you’re particularly struggling with the change, you may also want to have a discussion with your doctor or therapist.
How you support yourself is entirely up to you and a personal decision, but be sure to check in with yourself regularly to be sure you’re dealing with the changes in a healthy manner.
5. Give yourself a Pat on the Back
Congratulations! You officially raised an adult who was accepted into college. That’s no small feat so be proud of yourself (and your family and friends who helped along the way). While an “empty nest” can feel just that way, be proud you gave your kids the wings to fly.
Sending a child to college is never easy. It can feel like saying goodbye to a part of yourself. However, by planning ahead and working on emotionally preparing yourself, you can ease the stress and upset that the changes may cause for you and your child.
Parents: part of ensuring your child is happy at college is finding a college they’re happy with. One way to support them is to help them use the right resources to identify the best schools for their needs, wants, and goals. Using our free College Match tool can help you and your child discover these ideal colleges and universities! Check it out here.
