Flickr user: Elmira College
For many parents and guardians, sending the last child to college can be a tough transition. While this time can be new and daunting, it is also a chance for you and your student to navigate new lifestyles. There are many things you can do to help your student adjust to and enjoy college. And there are many things you can personally do in your own day to day that will help you adjust and enjoy this time.
Here are 7 things you should do once your last child has flown the nest for the “real world.”
1. Stay in Touch with Your Student
Before your student heads off to school, sit down with them and talk about how they want to stay in touch with you while they are away. Keep in mind how many classes they are in, if they want to get involved in student organizations, or if they are looking to work part-time.
After you have taken these factors into consideration, ask your student what kind of communication they will want or need. Do they want to text, FaceTime, or chat over the phone? They may want to talk to you after class each day, or just every Sunday afternoon. Although you may want to talk with them more or less frequently, it is important to let your child have a say in this decision. By letting them make the call, you are ultimately helping them achieve more independence. Over time, you may choose to increase or decrease how often you chat.
2. Send Care Packages
Besides talking on the phone with your child, there are other ways you can keep in touch. Send them a care package! You can fill this with their favorite snacks, fun post-it notes, extra socks, or whatever you think your student would like to get. Care packages are a great treat to receive and can remind your child of home. You can also send them cards for holidays, birthdays, or just because. If you take a trip anywhere, it might be fun to pick out a postcard and send them a little note that way too.
These make excellent surprises and can be just what they need after a tough day or week. If your child has told you about a particularly hard test they aced or that they’re feeling a little down, make a plan to send a care package with some of their favorites right away.
3. Try to Visit Your Student
Something else you can do to cope with empty nest feelings is to visit your child at their school. You do not need to go right away – and you shouldn’t. They need time to adjust to the new experiences, and they’ll have an easier time if you aren’t there every weekend. You also may not want to surprise them. They may have plans with friends or clubs they will be attending – it’s best to have everyone on the same page.
But plan to go up for a weekend if there’s a big football game or another weekend closer to midterms to take them out to lunch. Colleges usually have some kind of family weekend, with various activities, too. Being able to see your student with their new friends, taking them out to dinner, and hearing all about their college experience can be a great way to show you care while still giving them their own space to learn on their own.
4. Reach Out to Other Empty Nesters
If you’re struggling to adjust to the change, reach out to other parents whose children are out of the home. There are plenty of adult groups you can join, either online or locally, that will be made up of other parents experiencing the exact same thing as you. You can swap tips and simply enjoy this time together!
5. Be Patient with Yourself
Those first few days after you drop your child off at college can be especially hard as you wrestle with conflicting feelings. On the one hand you feel excited and hopeful about everything, but on the other hand you feel nervous, sad, and nostalgic.
If it is any comfort, you’re not alone in feeling this way. All parents go through this whirl of emotions when their kids go off to college. Many have described it as riding a roller coaster. Know that this is normal. Be patient with yourself and give yourself time to get your equilibrium back.
6. Embrace this opportunity to try something new
Your primary identity has been ‘mom’ or ‘dad’ for the past eighteen years. Take this opportunity to step out of the parent zone and think of yourself as an individual. It’s important to stay active during this time.
Re-start an old hobby that you had given up because of lack of time. Consider taking up a course, learning a language, or working towards advancing professionally. Do something you’ve always dreamed of doing. Your child will be happier knowing that you are happy and moving on with your life.
And who knows? Maybe you would like to earn your own college degree during this time!
7. Focus on the Rest of the Family
This is a time for celebration. Your kids have flown the nest, and are off doing great things. Take time to celebrate with your partner. Spend more time with your parents, siblings, other relatives, and friends. And if you find yourself still a little lonely with a quieter than usual home, getting a dog, cat, or another pet can truly make a difference. It’s been found that having a pet can reduce stress and anxiety, ease loneliness, and encourage exercise!
This is an exciting – and sad – time for many parents. Helping their youngest child move into their dorm can be a tearful goodbye, but also a potentially inspiring beginning. You should absolutely still be there for your children – they will need your help – but also take this time to focus on you and your growth as a person. Where will you help your kids go, and where will you go, with these opportunities?
For some parents who saw their youngest child off to college, the allure of higher education might be intoxicating. Are you thinking about going back to get your degree or advance your education? College Match from College Raptor isn’t just for high school students – adult learners can use it to find the perfect schools, too! Check it out today for free.
